i need to stop watching grey’s . it makes me cry. it makes me think about death. it makes me cry for you. because now i wish i could have been there to tell you fight. to tell you that you are not allowed to leave. that i’m selfish and i need you. i also should really stop watching that show while having wine. and being alone. so i don’t cry myself to sleep.
hey kimi
i got the job. the one that i wanted. the one that i’ll be able to help and love people. you would have been so happy for me. we would have celebrated even though you wouldn’t have been here physically. i am so happy… yet so sad. i wish you were here to talk to me about it. but i’m inspired by you and so i will put my whole heart into this job and into serving people.
In my head, I have conversations with you.
In my head, I tell you how I truly feel.
In my head, you tell me things.
In my head, I think these conversations may come about in time.
But the reality is they cannot and they won’t. So in my head, I continue to fight on letting go or just having more conversations. I wish life was easier that maybe things I think could happen would. But then again would I be happy if I got those things?
Hm. Yes. I would.
feet fives and you biting shoulders to show affection. that’s what i remembered about you today. i almost forgot those. that makes me sad.
cloves.
pinot noir.
darkness.
crickets calls.
hoodie.
stone steps.
one star.
Thinking of you. Thinking of how great you are…you were. Wow. Loneliness finds ways to creep up on you. You were the one person who shared this with me. So by myself, I celebrate you. All that you were. I can only think, try to remember your voice. See your smile, know your heart, hear the words love you. I wish I could say that you will come back. you will call me, e-mail me, come and live with me. wow. you were really going to do that too. How do I go on without being able to talk to you?? Should I just be a crazy person and talk to you in an audible voice? You’d laugh at me. You’d love me. People are hurting. People are remembering. People are changing because of you. wow. wow. wow. I still can’t believe it. I don’t know if I will ever. crazy.
sailor moon. fashion design. spaces in teeth. beautiful smile. crazy beautiful hair. t-shirts with skirts. no underwear. hot pink tights. pen pal. phone companion. future roommate. whiskey and simple apple. whiskey and coffee. walks. talks. hugs and kisses. dreds and curls. piercing… so many. i can’t ever put you into words. or an object. yet that’s all i want to do. since i can’t have you anymore. i don’t want to lose you. i don’t want to forget you. dear dear friend.
I was alone in the dark, thinking of you. I hope you can see me. Feel me, understand that I LOVE YOU. there are no words to express what I am feeling inside. and truly no way to release it.
hahaha. ok. so this is a really awkward video. of me singing peter and the wolf. its hilarious though. but its really bad and awkward. ok thats all.
dontmakefunofmeok?
ok sooo i tried to answer you but when i pressed return it entered my post… which i wasn’t finished
three things:
1. you are beautiful
2. your voice is beautiful
3. you made me laugh out loud (very loudly) while i was home alone in my apartment.
Applying for Jobs
I applied to 22 jobs before 9 am…. only to find that my resume wasn’t opening…
I re-applied to 22 jobs before 10 am.
great day!
